Christmas Movie #4: The Polar Express

And now for something completely Christmassy....

Firstly, yes, all the characters in this film do look like video game avatars. That have dead eyes. Cold. Dead. Eyes. And Tom Hanks plays about twenty characters. For even the most die-hard Hanks fans, that's a lot of Tom.

But for all that 'Polar Express' is still a lovely little Christmas film.

There must be some kind of name for a film that doesn't really have any function other than at a particular time of year. Probably seasonal. Actually, yeah, it's definately seasonal. 'Polar Express' still feels out of place, even 3 weeks before the Big Guy wriggles down your chimney (I will eventually run out of ways to say Christmas... by the way, have you got me my present yet? Really? Is it something nice? Oh, sounds lush).

'Polar Express' properly assaults your Christmas senses. It's the music. Just listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3pUoi7KSy4&list=PL71QBQGf7l3Zm4y1v1xlvrKiJBbAzGI0A

It's just... Christmas! Can you feel the snow falling all around you? Oh, wait that's dandruff. Seriously, dude, sort it out.

One of the things I am quickly learning watching these films in succession, is how much they're improved with a companion. Last night, me and girlfriend spent a very romantic and joyous evening watching Gremlins torture innocents, today I'm sitting eating Doritos in the middle of the afternoon, watching Tom Hanks kidnap kids and throwing them on a locamotive (and that is in no way sinister).

'Polar Express' in general is full shot of Whisky Christmas, but it does have some menace too. Tom Hanks as vagrant, complete with hacking cough and bindle, has something really unsavory about it. And there's some friggin weirdness too. A Be-Our-Guest style musical number about Hot Chocolate complete with Forrest Gump moonwalking? A scene where a man's beard is used to make noises to communicate with reindeer? And don't get me started on the nerdy kid. You'd never tire of punching that prick in the face.

I had some Whisky watching this a few years ago, and I thought I was hallucinating. 

And that is the true meaning of Christmas.

P.S. The kids shouldn't sing. 

P.S.S. Why do the elves look and talk like characters from a Scorcese movie? 

P.S.S.S. "I believe... I believe" Something in my eye... honestly. Gah.

P.S.S.S.S. Is that Steven Tyler as a singing elf? This is weirder than 'Nightmare Before Christmas'

P.S.S.S.S.S. Josh Groban. Just no.